Velvet Switchboard

press no buttons; all buttons already pressed

CHANNEL 000   ◆   HOLD MUSIC FOR SHELLFISH   ◆   PLEASE LISTEN TO THE PURPLE CORD   ◆   CHANNEL 000   ◆  

Good evening, caller. You have reached the after-hours exchange for signals that forgot why they were sent. Every cord below is plugged into a drawer, a lighthouse, or a very convincing sandwich.

moth desk
coin moon
tube 7
velour fax
pickle bell
spare fog
cabinet 9
small omen
The red lamp is blinking because it remembers a number you have not invented yet: 000-0000½
Under construction sign wobbling with ancient confidence Tiny retro visitor counter artifact
1 Do not feed quarters to the moon unless the moon asks politely.
2 If the switchboard purrs, compliment its laminate.
3 Report all suspiciously normal sounds to the velvet department.